Mind you that's not how I normally do things, I always tell myself to let it go but you know ultimately youre just hurting yourself by doing that so it's better to just let it out and say what you need to say. I also appreciate your nutrition joke. I lauged. You know out loud.
I'm sad I won't see you saturday as well, especially because my family has complete disregard for my plans and schedule. Now my mom is unsure if we will go because there's a hurricane or some nonsense. I know she still really wants to go so I feel bad and also since I had already mentally committed to it. She's being even more annoying by not fully saying we're not going because she's doing the whole oh maybe we'll go if the weather clears up and its not as bad as they say. Ugh, anyways last week in July is booked and I'm not making any other plans so that's good. I can't believe I have plans every other weekend in July it seems ridiculous to me but alas.
And the family stuff is good yes, I do enjoy it to a certain level mostly because I prefer my family in groups rather than it just being me and my mom because we tend to have a tumultuous relationship that way. I think it's because we're so similar but eh who knows. Usually we have my dad as the buffer so we do fine but when he's not there all this stuff comes out and it can get annoying.
So now let me get to your overwhelming feelings. First of all let me just say I know it has little to with me and I know you are happy for me so you in no way have to feel bad or guilty or anything really because I know exactly how you feel and I would react in pretty much the exact same way.
Side note, I love lofts too but I don't know if I could ever live in one I have an irrational fear that Id fall. Its kind of like how I feel about staircases with no railings.
I haven't read the Giver but I have read the Chosen. If its good I would love to put it on my list. And I love short books because it makes me feel really accomplished. It is interesting that its written in 1993 though, I forget when Enders Game was written but thats also a book I felt was ahead of its time.
I finally finished We Were Liars ( its funny I say finally when just yesterday I told you I was almost done with it) and it was REALLY good. I totally didnt see the ending coming and it was crazy and sad all at the same time. Also I didnt realize it before but I have actually read a couple of the author's other books when I was actually a young adult and remember liking them a lot so it makes sense that I liked this one too although I have to say this one had a way more interesting plot. I also love the way young adult books capture emotions. I actually read this article on why young adult books are so popular and it mentioned how its kind of the perfect time in someones life to capture emotion because everything seems so amplified and I could really kind of see that in this book. Anyways please write all the sentences to me now.
Ok i was going in order of your post so now let me also get back to the overwhelming feelings. Its funny because I read what you wrote to me this morning when I woke up, then proceeded to go to work and have a crisis of my own triggered by something completely different but Ill get to that. It makes a lot of sense your stressed and I know right now youre feeling kind of powerless in terms of what to do with your life. I definitely think its a natural way to feel but I also think you need to keep in mind that at the end of the day regardless of how much effort you put in, things will happen the way things will happen. Also it always feels to me like either nothing is happening or things happen all at once, so while it may seem like people around you are transitioning with ease in reality we are all going through this stress and this feeling of not knowing what is going on or whether anything is going on at all and then bam, something actually happens and suddenly things make sense. This is at least what happened with the whole moving thing because I spent a month being stressed about it then another month not thinking about it and it kind of just worked itself out. I still kind of feel like I'm not moving because even though Ive got one part of things figured out I still need to figure out my job situation and that feels hopeless.
The JARS thing kind of reminds me of this girl who I used to intern with freshman year of college (I may have told you about her I hated her back then too) but she started this blog called "my three searches" about how she went on these blind dates and whatever and it was the stupidest most frustrating thing ever but I couldnt stop reading it and she actually got views! Like people actually read the crap and it just made me mad and it made me even more mad that I couldnt stop reading it. Anyways she stopped posting so the world is a better place now. So I see how the JARS thing can be frustrating is what Im trying to say, but again while in school it made sense to compare yourself to people in your grade, it doesnt really make sense in the real world because everyone has diff situations, etc.
You know I know its good to be realistic and I should probably tell you to be excited about non-london things but I still feel like you should really push for the london thing. Its something you really want, and its the right time for it so dont give up on that because I just know things are going to work out for you. Not to say let the Live thing go, definitely still pursue this as well because hey at least its not Chopped. And i also dont really think it would be moving backward since you wouldnt be an intern.
As to the anti-london signs..no! The only anti-london sign would be if you couldnt actually get a job in london after trying for a long period of time. Because really it all comes down to the fact that there will always be a million reasons not to do something, but when you know you want it just go for it and stop looking for signs! (Note the tough love tone)
I really like Snarky in the City, I think it could suit you and I think you can use it anyways because is Dallas even a real city. I think not. So thats my answer to that.
I mentioned it a little bit before, but my mini-crisis today is about my job. I also wrote a melodramatic blog post on it so feel free to check that out. Basically, this job that I was hoping to get an interview for I didnt get, and it made it worse that they had hired this girl who pretty much had the exact same experience as me. At first I was ok about it because I figured they were probably just not hiring anymore since it didnt make any sense to me that someone with such a similar background to me would get hired and I wouldnt even get an interview. I also thought that the job may not really be what Im looking for, and I keep going after these jobs that sound good but I dont know if they would ness be good for me and make me happy. Like if someone else told me they had that job, Id be like oh thats great but I just don't know if I would be happy doing said things. Luckily enough I dont even get the chance to make these confusing decisions as fate takes care of that for me.
So anyways, after that I started looking into people's profiles who did have the job that I think I want and I saw that 95% have MBAs from really top tier schools and the other 5% went to Harvard so that was extremely disheartening. After some thought on it (and moping) Ive kind of decided that an MBA might be something to seriously think about so thats pretty much where I ended up at the end of the day. I just hope this is one of those things I actually do and not just something I talk about doing and then let go. I was actually talking to a friend at work today about how it's weird seeing all these people who started at the company with us leaving to go to new jobs because it makes me feel like Im being left behind or doing something wrong. It feels like theyre going onto the next grade while Im being made to repeat the same one. Obviously this doesn't translate the same way to jobs but its hard to get out of that mentality. Its hard to make myself realize that what I want for myself may not be what other have and want.
I really like writing in here, it makes it feel like we're virtually living together or something. I just feel like there's always so much going on and I just need someone who gets it and gets me and this is kind of perfect for that ( as long as I have my laptop charger handy).
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