Brace yourself for the Double Bowl

 I know you have a thing about double posts, but it seems more like your own thing as opposed to something you'd object to me doing.

Right now, what is consuming the internet is this crazy dress thing, which if you haven't heard about, you will at some point tomorrow. Honestly, I have to say this whole thing is one of my favorite things about the internet. I mean when you say "Everyone is going crazy!," you usually mean all of your co-workers, all of your friends, all of your family... but this is actually EVERYONE going crazy. And it is actually driving people (myself included) INSANE. It honestly kind of reminds me of my infant and child development class because we learned about how babies are unable to understand that other people see things from different perspectives. So it they are looking at a white side of the ball, it would never be comprehensible to them that the other side is actually black. Guess we don't actually develop that much after all

Although, I think this is actually different because it's more about trusting what we see SOOOO much that we can't understand the concept that it's being clouded by perspective, which it undoubtedly is. And while I did read an explanation that was about who has better rods or cones, the explanations that made more sense to me had more to do with the perspective. And honestly that satisfied me more because, for the record, the whole time I've been neither team #blackandblue nor team #whiteandgold I've actually been seeing light blue and goldish/greenish brown. Which really confused me until I saw the Adobe Color breakdown: https://twitter.com/Adobe/status/571123202568491010/photo/1  --- This made me feel a lot better because it didn't mean there was anything with my rods and cones (Don't know why that bothered me so much), but in fact because my brain wasn't filling in any information at all. My sister, for example, said that when she came back to the photo after two hours it had gone from white and gold to blue and black. It never changed for me because I was seeing the colors in front of me. And obviously, I'm not untouched by the perception, and maybe it's becuase I have experience with photoshop and colors and stuff? I should send it to my grandfather. He was actually a paint chemist. #funfact

Anywhoooo, the main reason I wanted to post before you came here was because I have cute photos that I wouldn't be able to show you on Saturday (unless you plan on staying until after shabbos?) By the way, we should talk about how you are getting to my house, so I can help you with the public transportation if need be.

So this past Sunday was my grandfather 90th birthday party. It's not nearly as extravagant as what you guys did, but it was really nice. We had it during the day at a restaurant we really enjoy and that gave us a ton of food. They're just really nice there, basically. Sabrina and Max and Hannah came in and my cousin was there- the one I like. My mom's brother agreed to co-sponsor even though he is traditionally a jerk (not to completely undo his reputation, he did bitch about the food, which everyone else loved) The nice thing was that for the most part, people showed up. I don't know why this surprises me. I mean maybe it was because I thought the majority of people we were inviting were his friends from his support group (who were lovely and normal - as in not so "old people"-y, sorry...) and I wasn't thinking about the family that might be coming. Or maybe it's because my family is generally known for their apathy/not great relationship with my grandfather. Or maybe I just didn't have enough faith that people would see this as the big deal life event that I did. 90 is a BIG DEAL people. And yeah, I did feel a little bad not making a personalized centerpiece or a multimedia presentation, but the truth is that my grandfather is just not that type of guy. And though I'm sure he would have found that very nice, he really was so touched and had so much fun as it was that I don't think it was even completely necessary.

We even got a really nice thank you note from one of his friends. I mean. Adorable.

Oh right, pictures...

Thank you fancy camera! Hannah, by the way, is as funny as- if not funnier than- ever. I thought of you the other day as we were on our way home from the mall. Hannahbear is always chewing on her Teddy for some reason. On the way home, my mom goes "Hannah, what flavor is Teddy? Is she chocolate? Is she vanilla? Is she strawberry?" To which Hannah replied. "No, he's not a cupcake." And then when pressed continued. "He's a teddy bear."

I died laughing obviously but also because it remind me of "It's a lamp." Classic. 

Because the purpose of this Bowl was basically the media portion, here are some more photos and a video.

My Grandfather with the yummy cake we got him from a kosher bakery called Zaidie's that you've probably heard me mention. It's the best bakery ever. Paul and his family were nice enough to pick it up for us- Paul is the son of my Grandfather's wife Lorraine, who died a few years ago, but he's still very good to my grandfather, which is  just the nicest thing. Also to the left of my grandfather here is the infamous Rita, his current lady friend or whatever.

Some of the food. I know meat is not appealing to you, but this pic is from my phone and it just came out so nicely. Plus, it's a middle eastern-y place and I thought you'd appreciate that/the colors

Here's a picture of Hannah trying to put on her "Mermaid's Tail"

I basically fell asleep on the floor leaning on the couch and Hannah, completely out of character, jumped on me (not the out of character part) and then snuggled up to me. She then fell asleep while I rubbed her and eventually I ended up having to shimmy out from under her. I think Sabrina actually posted a picture of both of us when I was asleep

Moving on.... For my mom's birthday, we got her a French Pastry class and she did it last week! I was just happy to give her something fun to do on her own, and she enjoyed it- which was good because they screwed up the oven and the choux pastries didn't come out so great, buuut the palmiers were amazing and we might still have some of those if you remind me when you come. And if you like that sort of thing. And if they are still good. 

I think that's all for now. Excited to see you this weekend! Just for funsies, here is a video of Hannah singing a song about Gummy Bears that she found on Youtube and then getting distracted by a shopping bag. I hope it works. And here is the original song, in case you want something stuck in your head. It's actually very catchy...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=astISOttCQ0

HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY!

I really wanted you to get a special birthday post. But, on your birthday, I was at work until midnight. No joke. My boss paid for an Uber home for me though, which was a nice perk. Foregoing that, I really wanted you to have a birthday weekend post, but somehow last Sunday got away from me between a funeral for someone in the neighborhood's father and the Superbowl party at Jen and Eric's in Fairlawn. After that, it was pretty much a foregone conclusion that it would wait until this weekend. And even so, I almost forgot.

So Happy Birthday!!! This will be my last week at this job, so I can go back to posting more frequently until the next one come along. I want to hear about your birthday! Did you guys go to dinner? Did Elphaba sing you happy birthday? (That's not a thing, don't worry.) Have there been any other celebrations? When does you GMAT class start?

I wish I kept a list on my phone of things I think about throughout the day that I always want to put in the next bowl. I really should start doing that. Here's one of the things I remember:

One of my recent epiphanies was the following: I think (and talk) a lot about how I don't know what I want. And it's true. And it's frustrating. I don't have a specific life goal in mind. I don't have a specific career goal in mind. I don't know where I want to live, or what I want to be doing. Ugh, even typing it is making me a little sick, to be honest. Where are you going with this, Jenna? Oh right the epiphany. Instead of worrying about not knowing what I want, instead of freaking out that I don't have a plan or a goal to work toward and that I'm confused about almost everything, I should really make it a point to do the things I actually DO want to do. It seems pretty simple, but it kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. Like holy crap, why do you spend so much time obsessing over why you don't know what you want and trying to figure it out? There are things, small and big, that you DO want to do: Travel, live abroad, go to a quiz night at a bar, see my friends once in a while, learn a language, figure out how to pay taxes. Do those! At least then you're moving in a direction. Trying to figure out what I want can be paralyzing, and maybe it has been all this time. It should be noted that this epiphany has not stopped my anxiety or worrying, but I do still feel strongly about it and felt it was worth sharing.

Another thing I remember from a while ago wanting to post about is something one of our applicants said in her home video. It was a weird home video: I mean, these girls get instructions with questions that we want them to answer, and some put a little style on it or do different questions or just talk about themselves. This one was like a perfume commercial. It was like, footage of her as a silhouette getting out of bed and cooking and stuff with a really low energy, bizarre voiceover over it. But I did watch through it a bit, and I did take something away from it. She said something that rang very true to me and it was this: I'm afraid of being a success at something I don't like. It felt like a familiar feeling that no one had put into word before. Because yeah, being a success at something is never a bad thing- it's not something you can complain about right? Except that if it's not what you want to be doing, even if you don't know what that is, then being good at it just makes it harder to leave or to change paths. And being good at it means people will say "Really? You don't like it? But you're good at it?" And it turns out, that is just as valid an emotion as being afraid of never finding out what you DO want to do. Even if I can't figure out where to go, I know that I'm not super happy with where I am currently. So instead of thinking that if I find the right fit, I'll decide that I actually do think reality casting is my life calling, I need to shake things up.

God, even reading that sentence over I feel ridiculous. What do I think the right fit will be that will make me think reality casting is my calling? Seriously? What the hell am I doing? I mean it's all well and good to keep doing what comes along while I figure it out, but do I really feel that way? Do I think that if I'm casting for a History Channel series, or a quiz show, or American Idol I'll feel differently about this? Wow. Brand new epiphany.

Anyway, lately I've been thinking I need to try and get back into a talk show format. Ideally a comedy style one, like the Daily Show. Obviously- WAY easier said than done, but it is a development nonetheless.

Another development is that one of Allison's friends in Washington Heights is getting married in late March and looking to sublet. It's $870 for what I'm told is a pretty large room in the Fort Washington area (a nicer, more hipster-y area in the Heights) with "non-cliche Heights people as roommates" - meaning, not the more religiousy "Jewish bubble" types. So that's nice. The girl is really flexible about when I want to move in, so I can wait until after Pesach if I want, and she'll leave her furniture if I want, and there's a possibility to extend when the sublet ends in July. Soooo even though I don't feel ready, this one kinda seems like it's being handed to me on a silver platter. And I think having Allison nearby will be good for me because she'll encourage me to get out there and do things. You'd appreciate her tough love approach. So anyway, I told the girl I want to come look at the apartment.

Thoughts on your post:
- I agree that unexpected and spontaneous things end up being the most fun. I'm glad me stopping by was that for you! It was for me too, and sleeping until 7:45 was about the greatest way to start a Friday, too. And I was still the first one in the office? Is this how people who live close to things feel all the time???

- I'm glad you enjoyed your snowday. I really enjoyed, again, sleeping late, but I somehow managed to work 12 hours anyway. I might have mentioned, but he's a bit of a Jekyl and Hyde, and Hyde was appearing much more that week because it was our final pitch and we didn't have the numbers. I think it all worked out, but he gets in these moods where he yells at you for not doing something you never discussed, and then he forgets what you said instantly. I still thought I liked him when it came down to it until this past Monday. It was snowing, and I knew the commute home would be a nightmare. He'd left for a meeting at 5, so I thought leaving at 6:30 (On time) wouldn't be a problem. He sent an email at 6 saying, Hey, can I call you at 6:30? I sent back, sure no problem, but I was going to try and get out of here on time because of the snow. I know the trains are already a mess. He calls at 6:30, yells at me for not doing being on top of the paperwork that I'd been asking about all day and he'd been telling me to prioritize last because he could do it, and then told me to send out a grid that I'd never seen and didn't know what to do with. Then, as I'm scrambling, annoyed and anxious to figure out what he's talking about, get it done, and get the hell out of there. He replies to my email (even though he just spoke to me) and says "I'm all for getting out on time, but you were 45 minutes late this morning (By the way- because it was pouring, there was an inch of unshoveled SLUSH to walk through and the bus took, literally, twice the normal amount of time) and you left us hanging for that document on Friday. Okay, so first of all, no I didn't. I checked in with you five times on Friday, constantly telling you how much time I had before I had to leave, and asking you the best way I should use that time and you specifically told me to do other things before that document. Second of all, you knew when you hired me that I leave early on Fridays. Don't hold that against me. And seriously, 45 minutes? You still want me in at 9, half hour earlier than everyone else, to make up the time I miss on Fridays, but you give me no credit for staying until 8 most days and some days until 11 and 12? And Third of all, you send this all to me NOW in a passive aggressive email when I'm really just trying to get home- something I don't think is unreasonable? So yeah, I'm not so sure I'd like to work for him again after that. The next, morning he sent an email that I should switch desks with the casting editor who works IN HIS OFFICE and I had to move out of the desk I've been at for six weeks, out of the office with my coworkers who can commiserate with me, and into a smaller desk in his office, where he yelled at me for most of that morning. He got a bit better after that, and I think Thursday and Friday were completely free of yelling, but still. Kind of ready to be done this Friday. Turns out that had nothing to do with your post.

- Elite chocolate is delicious. Have you ever had their Pop Rock chocolate? It's crazy. And Amazing. Check it out.

- I think you're right. I should frame "These are not permanent decisions" Maybe I could do a fun DIY thing with it and make it look cool.

- You should try studying in the library. I mean the NY Public Library. The big one, by Bryant Park. It's not so far from your office. It's strange though that you say Rutgers had so many places, because I wrote this article once about the overcrowding affecting study spaces. It stands out to me because it was one of my favorite pieces of writing from college. My professor singled it out in class, and then someone from a related college journalism website came to talk to us and singled it out too. It's one of my little moments of pride from college, and in less confident times, one of those things I point to as a strike of lightening that I have trouble replicating, which is why I can't be a writer.

- I'm overthinking the blogging thinking, I have been for years, and I know it. But I think part of the problem is thinking that if I'm going to do it- I should do it all the way. Meaning buy hosting, and really start off with all of the lessons bloggers say they wish they would have started with. Most likely that's a good idea, but also, most likely, it would be a better idea to not overthink it and not put pressure on it if I'd rather just see how it goes. More on that another time I suppose.

-OH NO! I'm so sorry I didn't register that you wanted to come this Shabbos. JENNA! PAY ATTENTION! PLEASE pick another shabbos (that isn't the 21st)

-In the meantime, SACRED CHOW THIS THURSDAY! Woot!

Okay, it's pretty late now, so I'm going to head to bed. Talk to you soon!