I actually thought about looking up which would have been correct, but then laziness won out. In any case it was nice. And it still is nice whenever I get brief flashbacks. And when I talk to people about the trip that actually care to hear it.
Thank you again for the congrats. The job is going pretty well. The hours are better than Chopped, and I think I'm proving myself even with missing 6 days in the 6 weeks they've hired me for. I've been working Sundays to make up for it, which isn't the most fun, but it's not so bad. My boss is pretty trusting and not on top of me, so it's nice. The flip side is that sometimes it is hard to get a hold of her or get what I need from her. She is really good at talking to people though, and that's always fascinating to listen to.
Still, sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life (specifically, as opposed to the general way I always feel this). This feeling has been compounded by the new show, which is just THE typical reality. I think at Chopped, I was able to tell myself that the content was somehow of a slightly higher caliber. Now, being away from it, I realize that was largely nonsense, but it somehow feel worse now. I know not everyone can be saving the world or building an empire of Jars, but it seems like there is probably some middle ground that I've yet to discover. For a while now I've been thinking I'm not meant to be in TV. There is a part of me that thinks I'm just not in the right place, that I need to be trying other things, finding a way into scripted, or even writing. Another part of me feels like I really need to be thinking about what else is out there for me. Which I am doing. Constantly.
To answer your questions: No it is not super intense yet- still kind of confused by my boss's nonstop fluctuations between telling me how we're on a tight schedule and telling me that I can leave early. Trying not to worry too much about it because obviously it's pretty sweet. Also there's only so many hours in a day you can stare at a computer doing research. My position is a lot less demanding than at Chopped. She calls me her assistant, which bugs me, but I supposed I am just a glorified assistant. I don't mean this in a womp womp depressing way, but I seriously am. Still, I'll take the glory. And no, no one is impressed by my vast TV knowledge because of how little I know about reality TV. They keep mentioning housewives or spin offs that I've never heard of and I just keep having to shrug. But honestly, I'm pretty proud of that. It's also nice to not have the pressure of being that person. I know we've talked about that before.
On to you...
I'm glad India was good, and I hear what you're saying about how sometimes even if things are stressful, you feel like you are gaining a new life experience. Like I'm probably not going to have to deal with any of this party planning stuff until a wedding rolls around, and even then my parents are technically the hosts, so I guess my first kid's bar mitzvah??? I hope you're feeling better and readjusting to the time and all that.
I'm so sorry to hear that you're miserable at work. And since misery loves company, I just want you to know, though I think you already do, that I really, really, empathize and get what you're going through. Branching out of what you've been doing is pretty damn hard, and you're right, they just want to keep hiring you for the same thing because that's what you're "qualified for". Only in the most shallow, surface way. Only one in ten people, if that, actually looks at your skills and thinks "oh, you're smart, and the rest of this is no doubt transferable." Because why take a chance on someone in an over-saturated market where there are a dozen people or more who do have the experience???
If it makes you feel any better, I do really believe in that one in ten, although maybe it's a slightly worse ratio than that. But the fact remains that someone WILL see you as the smart, hard working person that you are and realize that you will be an asset to their team. That's kind of what happened to me at my job. It's not completely different since it's still casting reality, but you'd be surprised how specific they get with these postings. "Looking for EXPERIENCED associate who has worked with Bravo before on a show that somehow has to do with anteaters."
I think that trying to stay positive once you've admitted to yourself that you are unhappy is hard. It's like before you do, you can convince yourself that the feelings aren't there, but admitting to them means you have to deal with them. So I will go easy on yourself a little because of that. Dealing with this stuff is hard, especially when a lot of it is out of your control, but that doesn't mean that you are stagnant or that you are wallowing. It means you are dealing. And your are entitled to your fair share of complaining as you deal. And need I remind you to go back several posts to where you told me never to censor myself here? Complain all you want, my friend, that's what I'm here for (also for vacations... don't forget that part. It's key.)
I'm excited for you that you are staying in your apartment more. I get that it must be really hard. I think I'm starting to admit to myself how much is keeping me here. I kept telling myself I'd be out in a minute if only... (if only an apartment popped up in front of my face with the right type of Jewish community. if only I had the money. If only I wasn't working and had the time. If only I was working because I like being home while I'm not working...) It occurred to me that I have been acknowledging all the reasons keeping me here at home, but not really registering that they are feelings rather than boxes on a checklist. The great things about home are no rent, big room, my cat... It only just occurred to me that it's really hard to leave these comforts and that I'm afraid to. I'm afraid to have to pay rent and watch my bank account dwindle between jobs. I'm afraid to spend less time with my cat as she grows older and sicker. I'm afraid to live in another space that feels nice but will never be my room. All I have to go on have been temporary houses in college or Israel. Starting to make an actual adult life and home is hard to wrap your head around, especially with home so close by (part of the reason I wanted to go far away) Anyway my point is, again, that this is hard stuff and I agree that it will go away and start feeling like home, but knowing it doesn't alway help when you're feeling sad and having a hard time.
So, again, that's what I'm here for.
It's late, so the other stuff I was going to talk to you about/tell you (Rosh Hashanah, Hannahbear, the pizza stone story) will have to wait. I would love to get dinner sometime. Perhaps early next week after my sister has left and before Sukkot starts. Maybe Tuesday night? (The 7th?) More soon!
Monday, September 29, 2014
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
I dreamt of Europe
I have to say the beginning of your last post started off great. I felt like I was reading a book. Also I am extremely jealous of said dreams. It would be great to get to experience all of that again even if only in my dreams. I would also like to wake up feeling very rested and relaxed because that hasnt happened in a while but more on that later. Also great that you rode your bike! I miss my old bike, its really a shame it had to be thrown away.
So I know I congratulated you already, but seriously Yay! Mainly because I know how stressed you were before leaving for our vacation about finding a job and figuring out life post vacation so Im happy that at least partly it got figured out and that too soon. I know I certainly felt like that before I left for India too (still waiting on the figuring out part though) so I empathize with the stress. Also Im pretty sure if they backed out because of your holidays thats like a lawsuit so I dont think they would do that. And seriously that is crazy but I also think its nice for you to have a switch between being at home to working so better that it happened sooner anyways. And super yay for it being a step up! Is it super intense yet? Have you blown them away with your wit and vast knowledge of tv? I'm always blown away by it.
Doing nothing should really be a job. Like today I seriously contemplated just going in and resigning and being free. Then I realized I liked having an income so that kinda got in the way. To elaborate more on this Im kind of miserable with work at the moment. I was trying all summer to find a job different from the one Im doing (in terms of function, company, etc.) and turns out people don't want people without experience in the job they're hiring for. Go figure. I think what also has made me more frustrated is that I really thought I would find said job by end of summer and magically had my life figured out. I mean it wasn't so far fetched since vacation and apartment hunting turned out so well. But anyways, here I am back from vacations and my job is still sucks. To make matters worse, they moved me to a different part of my team and are trying to train me to do things I really don't wanna do. In one way I think its good because its really lighting the fire in terms of making me want to get out. In another way I really hate going to work everyday so thats depressing. For now Im just trying to stay positive (clearly thats working out well) and keep applying to places.
I also started actually staying at my apartment this week. I stayed here a couple nights here and there in between my trips but not actually until now (well even now its only been 2 days). The other times I stayed here it always seemed exciting and new and awesome and I was all into it. Now (maybe because I know its sorta permanent which is kind of a lie because I have a holiday this week I need to go home for anyways) Im just weirdly homesick. Its not even that I miss my parents, I miss my home. My bed and my comfort and my being away from the city for the night feeling. I know its a temporary feeling and soon enough Ill get used to it and grow to love it but for now its just adding to the overall meh-ness. I remember the first couple nights at Brett I always felt this way too. And then you moved in and all was well.
I think about Camille everytime I use OliveOil for things. I use it all the time.
India was good. It was a lot of time with family, especially during the function we had but was great to see everyone and spend time with them. My sister and I definitely underestimated what it would be like to host a function for all our relatives. Since my parents were the ones who the event was for they were pretty much tied up in the rituals the whole time which left all our complaining guests to come to us to tell us about how the AC wasn't working or how they weren't serving food yet. So yea that was stressful but a useful experience nonetheless. When that wasn't happening things were really fun. Most of our trip just revolved around the function and family politics so went by pretty fast. It was one of those vacations that made me feel like I needed a vacation to recover from it. I got a bit sick the last couple of days I was there (still getting over it now). Its weird being back because for so long my life was out of sync and its like I dont know how to put it back in sync again. Anyways I think Ive complained enough for one post so I will bid you good day here. We should get dinner sometime soon!
So I know I congratulated you already, but seriously Yay! Mainly because I know how stressed you were before leaving for our vacation about finding a job and figuring out life post vacation so Im happy that at least partly it got figured out and that too soon. I know I certainly felt like that before I left for India too (still waiting on the figuring out part though) so I empathize with the stress. Also Im pretty sure if they backed out because of your holidays thats like a lawsuit so I dont think they would do that. And seriously that is crazy but I also think its nice for you to have a switch between being at home to working so better that it happened sooner anyways. And super yay for it being a step up! Is it super intense yet? Have you blown them away with your wit and vast knowledge of tv? I'm always blown away by it.
Doing nothing should really be a job. Like today I seriously contemplated just going in and resigning and being free. Then I realized I liked having an income so that kinda got in the way. To elaborate more on this Im kind of miserable with work at the moment. I was trying all summer to find a job different from the one Im doing (in terms of function, company, etc.) and turns out people don't want people without experience in the job they're hiring for. Go figure. I think what also has made me more frustrated is that I really thought I would find said job by end of summer and magically had my life figured out. I mean it wasn't so far fetched since vacation and apartment hunting turned out so well. But anyways, here I am back from vacations and my job is still sucks. To make matters worse, they moved me to a different part of my team and are trying to train me to do things I really don't wanna do. In one way I think its good because its really lighting the fire in terms of making me want to get out. In another way I really hate going to work everyday so thats depressing. For now Im just trying to stay positive (clearly thats working out well) and keep applying to places.
I also started actually staying at my apartment this week. I stayed here a couple nights here and there in between my trips but not actually until now (well even now its only been 2 days). The other times I stayed here it always seemed exciting and new and awesome and I was all into it. Now (maybe because I know its sorta permanent which is kind of a lie because I have a holiday this week I need to go home for anyways) Im just weirdly homesick. Its not even that I miss my parents, I miss my home. My bed and my comfort and my being away from the city for the night feeling. I know its a temporary feeling and soon enough Ill get used to it and grow to love it but for now its just adding to the overall meh-ness. I remember the first couple nights at Brett I always felt this way too. And then you moved in and all was well.
I think about Camille everytime I use OliveOil for things. I use it all the time.
India was good. It was a lot of time with family, especially during the function we had but was great to see everyone and spend time with them. My sister and I definitely underestimated what it would be like to host a function for all our relatives. Since my parents were the ones who the event was for they were pretty much tied up in the rituals the whole time which left all our complaining guests to come to us to tell us about how the AC wasn't working or how they weren't serving food yet. So yea that was stressful but a useful experience nonetheless. When that wasn't happening things were really fun. Most of our trip just revolved around the function and family politics so went by pretty fast. It was one of those vacations that made me feel like I needed a vacation to recover from it. I got a bit sick the last couple of days I was there (still getting over it now). Its weird being back because for so long my life was out of sync and its like I dont know how to put it back in sync again. Anyways I think Ive complained enough for one post so I will bid you good day here. We should get dinner sometime soon!
Sunday, September 14, 2014
The Best Part
The best part was the dreams I had when we got back. For about four nights, I dreamed of Europe. Cobblestone streets, delicious bakeries, colored houses, and a moderate amount of Chocolat mixed in. I woke up every morning feeling really rested and relaxed- until I remembered I had to be looking for a job. Still, I really enjoyed the time. Doing errands here and there. The nutritionist went well. I didn't have to worry at all. I lost 6 1/2 pounds this month. So yay! And I found myself inspired by the Danish and cleaned off my bike. Of course it took me a long time before riding it (today), but better than nothing and I honestly really missed the exercise we were getting walking so much around the cities.
So the news is that I got a new job! I don't even know if that needs an exclamation point, but why not. I applied at 5:45 pm on Tuesday night, got a call 15 minutes later, had an interview at 11am the next morning, and was offered the job before I got home. At that point I had to explain about Shabbat and the holidays coming up that I'll have to miss days for. I could tell they kind of wanted to back out, but they didn't, so win for Jenna! I started the next day. Crazy, right? I'm a Casting Associate (a step up) for a company called True Entertainment. The gig is about 5-6 weeks, so I'm told, so we shall see. They seem to think it's going to be really intense, but it hasn't gotten that way yet, so I'm taking it one day at a time. Including today. Because I'm working on Sundays to preemptively make up for the holidays. Hooray.
Being back at work kinda sucks if I'm honest. Apparently, no amount of time refreshes you to return to the commuter life. I really like doing nothing. Doing nothing should be a job. I should become a socialite. But the kind that doesn't have to shop and dress up for events. Just a rich person then, I guess. I should buy a lotto ticket. Daily. I also feel bad for my cat, because she's suddenly alone all day and I think she's lonely.
I went to Brooklyn for the weekend to see my friend Amanda and check out Park Slope. It was really nice, and I was surprised how distinctly different it felt from Manhattan, which is a good thing. It's all strange that I literally never go to that side of Brooklyn. I didn't go to shul, because Amanda didn't want to, so I didn't really get a sense of the community in terms of the Jewish-y things, but it was still really nice to see her.
I thought of you tonight because I was roasting veggies and remembering doing that in Oslo and Camille's warning about Olive oil. Ah well.
How is India? Are you having a nice time with the family? How is the celebration going? When are you coming home? Suddenly I realize that it's probably kind of soon. Feel free to not bowl and enjoy your time if that's what you'd like to do!
So the news is that I got a new job! I don't even know if that needs an exclamation point, but why not. I applied at 5:45 pm on Tuesday night, got a call 15 minutes later, had an interview at 11am the next morning, and was offered the job before I got home. At that point I had to explain about Shabbat and the holidays coming up that I'll have to miss days for. I could tell they kind of wanted to back out, but they didn't, so win for Jenna! I started the next day. Crazy, right? I'm a Casting Associate (a step up) for a company called True Entertainment. The gig is about 5-6 weeks, so I'm told, so we shall see. They seem to think it's going to be really intense, but it hasn't gotten that way yet, so I'm taking it one day at a time. Including today. Because I'm working on Sundays to preemptively make up for the holidays. Hooray.
Being back at work kinda sucks if I'm honest. Apparently, no amount of time refreshes you to return to the commuter life. I really like doing nothing. Doing nothing should be a job. I should become a socialite. But the kind that doesn't have to shop and dress up for events. Just a rich person then, I guess. I should buy a lotto ticket. Daily. I also feel bad for my cat, because she's suddenly alone all day and I think she's lonely.
I went to Brooklyn for the weekend to see my friend Amanda and check out Park Slope. It was really nice, and I was surprised how distinctly different it felt from Manhattan, which is a good thing. It's all strange that I literally never go to that side of Brooklyn. I didn't go to shul, because Amanda didn't want to, so I didn't really get a sense of the community in terms of the Jewish-y things, but it was still really nice to see her.
I thought of you tonight because I was roasting veggies and remembering doing that in Oslo and Camille's warning about Olive oil. Ah well.
How is India? Are you having a nice time with the family? How is the celebration going? When are you coming home? Suddenly I realize that it's probably kind of soon. Feel free to not bowl and enjoy your time if that's what you'd like to do!
Monday, September 1, 2014
Grandi Navi
So I know we have a plan to talk later today but it was vital to me that I responded to this before we talked. I'm still in a bit of a daze maybe because we went straight into a long weekend but I'm having trouble thinking about real life things. Like work. What is that?! Anyways I'm sure tomorrow will be the reality check but luckily I get to check out of reality again for 2 weeks. October is going to be rough.
I totally get what you mean about the whole nothing has changed thing. Coming back home it feels like nothing has changed and yet I feel like so much has changed. I think there's a quote from Benjamin Button actually saying exactly that.( which is random that I know this since I've never seen this movie, also side note I wish I had kept a list of all the movies you told me to watch during our trip because now I remember nothing ((including who Hans Christian Anderesen is. Just Kidding. Or am I? I am.))).
I have to say how great it was to read your post on Friday. I definitely felt the same way when saying goodbye. Im pretty horrible at goodbyes in general and feel like they kind of always end up being anticlimactic but especially after our great trip it felt like there should've been something more. It was weird being like, ok i guess I'll get on with my life now while at the same time thinking how I didn't want to. I definitely also have to echo your statements on how great it was traveling with you. I was lucky to have you cook me oatmeal and quinoa and navigate maps and make up songs during moments of panic. I know we had our tougher moments during the trip but I really think that just goes to show how comfortable we are with each other that we can have times like that and be able to let it go.
The apple does change everything. I came to a holiday of sorts (the one we had to move up our trip for) which involved 5 hours of cooking so you can just imagine how much food that must be. I think we have enough to last through friday when we leave and not much of it is particularly healthy so I continue.
It's funny what you said about my mom not telling me how much she had to do while I wasn't there because I could tell she was dying to tell me just that. Thankfully she held back (mostly) and it was further diffused by my sister coming for the weekend so that's nice.
I'm weirdly jetlagged which really just means I have a healthier sleep schedule and wake up earlier so that actually works out well. Hopefully it continues like this and I won't have a tough time in India. I went through pictures and am in the process of uploading them now (seriously feel like we did these things months ago!), and thank you for uploading pics so soon as well. Talk to you later today!
I totally get what you mean about the whole nothing has changed thing. Coming back home it feels like nothing has changed and yet I feel like so much has changed. I think there's a quote from Benjamin Button actually saying exactly that.( which is random that I know this since I've never seen this movie, also side note I wish I had kept a list of all the movies you told me to watch during our trip because now I remember nothing ((including who Hans Christian Anderesen is. Just Kidding. Or am I? I am.))).
I have to say how great it was to read your post on Friday. I definitely felt the same way when saying goodbye. Im pretty horrible at goodbyes in general and feel like they kind of always end up being anticlimactic but especially after our great trip it felt like there should've been something more. It was weird being like, ok i guess I'll get on with my life now while at the same time thinking how I didn't want to. I definitely also have to echo your statements on how great it was traveling with you. I was lucky to have you cook me oatmeal and quinoa and navigate maps and make up songs during moments of panic. I know we had our tougher moments during the trip but I really think that just goes to show how comfortable we are with each other that we can have times like that and be able to let it go.
The apple does change everything. I came to a holiday of sorts (the one we had to move up our trip for) which involved 5 hours of cooking so you can just imagine how much food that must be. I think we have enough to last through friday when we leave and not much of it is particularly healthy so I continue.
It's funny what you said about my mom not telling me how much she had to do while I wasn't there because I could tell she was dying to tell me just that. Thankfully she held back (mostly) and it was further diffused by my sister coming for the weekend so that's nice.
I'm weirdly jetlagged which really just means I have a healthier sleep schedule and wake up earlier so that actually works out well. Hopefully it continues like this and I won't have a tough time in India. I went through pictures and am in the process of uploading them now (seriously feel like we did these things months ago!), and thank you for uploading pics so soon as well. Talk to you later today!
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