I would be fine with migrating to Wordpress if you'd like to do that. I'm not much of a betting person, but it seems like there's a pretty good chance imojen.wordpress.com would be available. Plus then we could have the fun of redesigning it.
Now that your test is done, we should discuss Spring Awakening. Rena said that since it's a "special audience" type show (AKA a deaf production), it probably won't sell well and will probably be up on TDF (special discount thing that she has membership to) once it opens. So I can ask her about that. I don't really know the details. Rosh Hashanah is September 13th-15. The following Tuesday night and Wednesday is Yom Kippur, then I'm going away to St. Louis until the following Wednesday (the 30th?) October 5th and 6th are the last two days of Sukkot. Then I'm good for a while. So yeah. Maybe we should go for my birthday lol. Any clue when your next test is?
I'm happy that you passed the test. Did you get a good enough grade that you feel comfortable with your group now- or rather like you don't have to prove yourself worthy of being there? I'm sure you did. I'm always so impressed by your study ethic. I mean seriously. You take it so seriously over a prolonged period of time. That is motivation I have never really displayed. (I mean I'm sure it's in me somewhere if it was something I really cared about, but I just haven't seen it thus far.)
I'm going through your last post in order, some I'm just getting to the point where you are talking about me. It meant a lot to read what you wrote. Honestly, it is just really nice to hear that people believe in me. Especially people like you, since I respect your thoughts and opinions and actually do feel like you know me well enough to say things like that. Sometimes I feel like people are telling me that I am smart and capable (and good at writing) without really having a basis for that. Also it was especially nice to hear about your takeaway from when we met up last, since I kind of left that night feeling annoying and well, pathetic is a really strong word, but just like I keep talking people in circles about these worries and anxieties and uncertainties that everyone else seems to be able to just get over. Or not get over, but at least keep moving in life in spite of them. I know there are a lot of people struggling with these same issues. And I know you're going to tell me something about the Defining Decade, but I sometimes think these things affect me more, and then I get down on myself for not being able to just suck it up and try out stupid nonsense marketing or whatever. I just get kind of miserable when I'm doing something meaningless, but (and this is totally NOT high-roading since I don't even actually think it's a good thing) other people seem to just be able to accept that work is work and it's going to suck sometimes and that's life, but you enjoy what you can and find something you like enough. And I get it and agree in theory and at this point I'm just rambling stream of conscious thoughts that don't actually have a focus or a message (Speaking of, I'd like to use my Get out of Grammar Jail Free card on this post...)
The point is: Thanks for caring. Thanks for thinking about it instead of just rolling your eyes. Thanks for believing in me.
I spent a few hours the other night looking through Fulbright programs, and it made me realize that it would be so great if there was something I could do that would prove to myself that I actually am as capable as people seem to think. The thing is that for all my feeling smarter than people in conversations or being able to out-logic people most of the time, it's never really translated into any kind of exceptional, demonstrable capability. And I'm not fishing, I'm just explaining why I question this assertion people sometimes make that I am smart or capable. Most of what I say is extrapolated from a book I read or a theory I formed based on TV shows, and it comes out sounding pretty true and reasonable, and for all I know it is, but to me it always kind of seems a little bit made up. Like I believe it when I give people advice or insights. I believe it to be true. But if you checked my sources, they would mostly just be my thoughts. Again, this ramble is going nowhere. Sorry if I'm falling into a self-pity hole here. Total accident. It's been a strange summer.
Speaking of, there's really no proper segue to this, but it's something that happened that I just haven't been able to fully process. So Eric's cousin? Funny-story-just-got-married-and-Rena-tried-to-set-me-up-with-his-friend-whom-she-met-at-the-wedding? (Did I tell you that? Didn't happen, doesn't matter) About a month ago, he was killed in a car accident. About a month ago, I probably would've gone into the fog of the first few days, how painful it is for his family, for his wife of two months, how absolutely ridiculous it is for someone our age to just die like that, not to mention my personal feelings, which really honestly took a waaay in the far back back seat to everything that was going on with the Gombos. Their family is SO close. Coby was the oldest of four brothers, two of whom have also moved to Israel, joining the army and following in his footsteps. All these people came forward afterward talking about how special he was. Not just in the way you would expect with any death. I mean seriously. He inspired people to change their lives. To follow their dreams. Actual, tangible people with tangible dreams, whose lives are different because of him. This one girl wrote and email to his father saying that she had been at the funeral, because she had met Coby at a bus stop five years ago and spent ten minutes talking to him. She said he changed her life, and followed his life on Facebook after that.
It's just. so. weird. The whole thing. Rena asked me to help do this Facebook post for this fund that they set up in his memory. It felt weird, like it wasn't my place. Also, in the wake of his death, I realized that he actually had me on limited profile. I have to laugh because this is such a silly insignificant thing, but it just feels like such a shame that I can never fix that, or tell him that I'm happy he's married and happy, or that I can't see what his friends and family were posting on his wall (I saw most of it anyway through his siblings walls). Again, it's just this weird thing- this bizarre byproduct of our generation. But as Rena was asking me all these questions about what shows up where on Facebook, I just kept thinking I couldn't actually see what was showing up for him because he had me on limited. But saying it out loud would lead to the innocent question: That's weird. Why would Coby have had you on limited profile? Which I honestly just didn't want to get into. Part of me always felt like at some point down the road, this little secret about us would come out, like "haha, btw, that happened. No big deal though." And we would laugh and people would be surprised I kept it a secret and it would be a joke. Now that thought feels like a closed door. And totally besides the point, I know, just like the limited profile, but these are the tiny little things that I've noticed this last month and they worked their way into my brain.
Anyway, my hands are starting to hurt (they've been worse the last couple of months, possibly because I am way off my diet and not getting any exercise). Yesterday, I handed in my papers to the Austrian Consulate. They'll send it to Vienna and then I guess I'll wait to hear what's next. Pretty exciting stuff. I'm just proud that I finally followed through on it. And I'm hoping she doesn't come back to me with some beaurocratic red tape. That would suck.
EDIT: BTW I was looking, and December through March is basically the worst time to go to Peru, particularly if you're doing the Inca Trail... :/
