Parental indecisiveness is terrible. I can relate because the same thing is happening with my mom with
It's so interesting, reading what you wrote it occurs to me that you hardly ever talk about any tumultuousness with your family. That's fine of course, but it strikes me as so different from how much I complain about my family stuff. I know from past conversations with friends though that my charming humorous take on family nonsense keeps it from feeling like non-stop whining. Hopefully that's how you feel too. It's crazy how much the dynamic can change when one family member steps out of the picture for a bit. Whenever my mom goes to St. Louis I get anxious about being alone with my dad, but the truth is that with one less opinion in the house it usually ends up being less tumultuous if anything.
Soooo random that you've read The Chosen. Should I read that? The Giver is good so far. I have this goal to finish it before Shabbat so I can actually have read it all during weekday time. I'm not sure if that's ever happened before. Also, Ender's Game is apparently 1985, so that would certainly me ahead of it's time too in that sense. There's been a lot of writing lately about YA and whether people should or shouldn't like it. Which is a ridiculous thing to discuss and spend time trying to convince people of one way or the other. Yes, I am guilty of putting on my apologetic voice when I tell people about YA novels that I've liked. But if I was ever challenged on it, I would indignantly defend my right to like whatever book I feel like.
So We Were Liars! So glad you liked it! The reason I told you not to read anything about it was that I read several blurbs that either said or implied a big twist, which left me focusing for most of the book on what the twist might be. (Ummm Spoiler Alert for potential readers from Singapore, I guess?) I toyed for some parts of the book with the idea of Gat being dead or Mirren. but in the end it never made sense since they could see and talk to each other. In retrospect, not broadening this theory was pretty stupid of me, but it's more fun to be surprised. I remember the first time where I was like "What is going ON in this book!?" and that was when she had talked to the aunt about Johnny not sleeping well and in the morning the aunt was like "I don't know what you're talking about."
I thought it was really cool the way the author played with memory throughout the entire thing. You knew she was missing memories because she TOLD you that, but you didn't think to wonder if she was missing more than she realized. And the memory stuff extended to the family too because of trauma or senility or whatever. I really liked that. I thought at first that the fire was "the twist" and that was a little disappointing, but obviously not for long. It was so sad and you really felt it. You're right about YA doing emotions really well. I also feel like they do quirks really well. Small things like her giving away stuff. I don't see that in enough adult fiction. Of course good fiction has that stuff regardless of age group. For example Sharp Objects, by Gillian Flynn, which I read recently. I also read a book called Reconstructing Amelia that was very good. It goes back and forth between a mother trying to make sense of her daughter's death and the last few months of the daughter's life. In that way it's part YA, part suspense, and not nearly as heartrendingly sad as you would expect given the subject matter.
Now back to emotions. Can I just say how much I totally get your sudden understanding of smoking? I had that too at one point, probably in college, but I get it every now and again. (Also, years ago when I marathon-ed the first three seasons of Mad Men and realized the power of TV to make something look cool) But there are times when I feel overcome with anxiety and I can imagine how smoking might just relax me a little bit. In Israel, I used this chocolate milk that came in a bag to relax me when I had existential panic.
I would bite the corner off and drink it and it would give me a minute to calm down. Also it was delicious. Since then though, my instinct is generally to crawl under the nearest table and bury my head in my knees. I don't know where that came from, and it's usually not socially acceptable to do it, but when I'm really stressed about something I can picture myself just climbing under a table for a few minutes of deep breathing where my thoughts would just stop.
It's interesting what you say about how it doesn't make sense to compare yourself to people from your grade anymore. I'm going to have to mull that over I think. I wonder what it must have been like to not have these life updates on people until Christmas cards or 10 year reunions. I think facebook and everything has made us too aware of what others are doing. It's great for, say, connecting with people in other countries whose lives you may never have glimpsed. But I'm not sure it's all that helpful in terms of the guy I know in PR who posts pictures of himself at event with celebrities. It's largely possible that he has nothing to do with them and his job just brings him to cool events, but I ultimately wouldn't like that job. Like you said, just because someone else has it, doesn't mean you would enjoy it.
I'm sorry that you're feeling the same crises, but it's nice to go through it with someone who gets it and feels it in the same way. I think an MBA is a huge but exciting undertaking, and if it's what you want to do, then I have no doubt that you can and will do it! What is the job that you were looking at? And what is about Harvard? God. I always think it's funny how with actors or celebrities, going to an Ivy League school is like a "fun fact" (12 things you didn't know about SoandSo: #7 He's actually smart! He went early decision to Yale!) But with other things, the name gets people. Still, there are thousands of people out there succeeding without it and it just makes a better story when you succeed and you get to say to those stupid Harvard people that you did it on your own without the name. (Or you go to an Ivy for your MBA...)
I hear your frustration though with the girl who was just as qualified as you. In some cases, it's just about the luck of where you are in the pile. But the flip side is that sometimes you are in the exact right place. Like you keep telling me, things tend to happen, and they tend to work out for the best just like that.
My Chrome just froze and I almost lost all of this and it totally saved it for me! How awesome is that? Jeez that was scary. Anyway I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel like you're repeating the same grade. I felt that way at Chopped. This girl that I worked with over the second cycle of Chopped that I worked on (so starting last October maybe?) has had three jobs since Chopped. That's crazy to me. But again, I guess that's just more comparing yourself to other people.
Thank you for the tough love. There are a lot people telling me that London is a good idea, but I think they are more theoretical about it. You're the only one who keeps telling me to put everything into it, and it's nice to have that since the voice in my head has enough realism/pessimism without everybody else chiming in with it too. I like writing in here too. Especially when we do it frequently like this. It's like you're my Dr. Tom.
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