I get how when it's your turn to post time suddenly seems to speed up and then when youre the one waiting it slows down. At least thats how it seems to happen for me. I think I was especially looking forward to it last week because I had a semi-rough week which I can say now was semi-rough but at the time was probably actually rough. Once you did post and I read through I was like, this was so short! But in reality it was the normal length of a post so all in all nothing has changed.
So getting to why last week was rough..I still didnt hear back from either of the jobs so I emailed/called both of them. Turns out I didnt move forward with the goldman one which was upsetting for a few minutes then I got over it. The other one at my company still hasnt gotten back to me which I think is ridiculous because by now Ive pretty much come to the conclusion that I didnt get it in which case its kind of their job to relay that news to me. Which they have not. Like really how long does it take to send an email like sorry you didnt get it. In any case that was upsetting as well but I really think what upsets me more than not getting the jobs is knowing that I have to start all over again. I mean either way I can complain as much as I want but I really do have to keep going with this so Im really better off just convincing myself that good things come to those who wait/keep trying. Theres a great podcast on npr ted hour radio called Success and one of the Ted talks they mention is on how the number one indicator of success is this factor called grit which is basically like how long can you keep going before you give up. So yes got to have grit and got to keep going.
Last week was also not so great because it was freezing and my room had a draft and it just made me really homesick. I feel like I am slowly getting used to it but honestly I think Im still in the mentality that my home in NJ is still my home and my apartment is just this place where I stay. When I was in school I knew I would eventually be coming back home and now knowing that I will never be actually coming back home is a tough thing to deal with. Its funny, before I moved out I thought things like cooking for myself would be the hardest thing I have to deal with but really thats like the least of my concerns. Sid thinks I should decorate more to make my room feel more homey and I liked that idea so Im going to try that. Eventually I know I will learn to deal with and get used to this idea of living on my own. I even remember when I had that first sales internship how I was having a really hard time getting used to the idea of having a job and it just felt like I was being forced to grow up too fast. So I guess Im kind of going through a similar thing. I think another thing is that Ive been feeling kind of lonely and the weird thing is im normally pretty good when I do have to spend time on my own and at times I even enjoy it. I think the idea of spending time alone though freaks me out and I try to avoid it. So definitely another thing I have to learn to deal with. The combination of these things (and probably the lack of sleep due to it being cold in my room) had me in this funk last week where I just kept feeling dazed and insecure. One of my friends told me a symptom for anxiety is where you are paranoid when thinking about what other people think about you.While I dont think I have anxiety I definitely did feel like I was extra on edge/paranoid in terms of how I was being perceived. I would feel like I never have anything to say to them or I cant make them laugh or Im just generally uninteresting which in turn would just kind of make me withdraw into myself even more.
Now that Im in a different state of mind I can see that I really do need to take better care of myself to stop that spiral from happening where I get into that negative stage. Its crazy how much your physical health can affect your mental health too.
Really though this was all more of an issue during the week and once the weekend came along (my friend Patricia came to visit me and we did lots of fun things) I was able to put things more into perspective. I mean really Im so lucky that I have everything I have and that this whole moving out thing was a choice I made and not just something I was forced to do due to my circumstances.
This realization kind of makes me mad at myself though because I feel like Im so blessed in my life to have all the things that I have and instead of enjoying that and chershing my life Im being stupid and brooding.
Anyways I kind of rambled on there so I hope you got the point of what I was saying. Im definitely a lot more sane now and hopefully Ill be able to keep these things in mind when I go to work tomm. Im sure it will also help thats its the week of Thanksgiving. We are going to MD to visit my sister (they might find out if its a boy or girl this week!). She's going to be traveling all of December so I probably won't see her again until January and she might be twice the size by then which is nuts.
Im glad you're keeping up (sort of) with the NaNoWriMo thing! Even if you are far behind its better than completely stopping!Remember, have grit!
I've never heard the God makes you forget the pain of childbirth thing but it actually makes a lot of sense. And same with the memory thing its kind of crazy what the brain chooses to remember..and how many things it just makes up. Like how dreams are just flashes of random images and our brains connect them together to form a story. Or same with how sometimes you think of moments in your life and you see yourself in the picture doing the thing when in reality that would be impossible so its like a fake memory you have stored away. What are you doing Brain. Stop lying to me!
This sentence was great by the way but just too long for a title: Because its not real life to be able to live in those moments. You just have to do your best to keep them in mind and trust that the process of learning them over and over again is really what it's all about anyways.
That is so incredibly true and something thats so hard to keep in mind too. Its just like how we are so quick to measure happiness by the big moments while forgetting that its the little things in between that often matter the most.
Its awesome that youve been so into travel lately! I can definitely relate as Im like that 90% of the time but right now Im forcing myself to keep it out of my mind until I can figure out the job thing. That and you know I have no more vacation days this year but luckily for me the year is almost over and I get to take vacation all over again. An absurd number of my facebook friends currently have profile pictures with them and Machu Pichu in the background. Like seriously an absurd number. It reminds me of the monkey story where thoughts travel. Have I ever told you this story? If not I will tell you but basically the point is that we think of thoughts as only existing inside our minds but really there is some way in which they get around to other people which explains the moments where everyone gets the same idea at more or less the same time.
Either way Im pretty sure a job that pays you take vacations will be living the dream so keep trying on that and if you do happen to find it then I will be following you in that.
We should plan our shabbos weekend! Dec is a busy month so Jan will probably be best (thats insane that it will be 2015 at that point. Absurd! Prepostrous! Madness!) but I havent started making plans for the new year mostly so any weekend should be good (im leaning towards the second one in jan).
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