I think I always knew in the back of my mind that the bowling alley closed down. Maybe youve told me before, maybe we've had this conversation before I don't really know but I think I always knew it.
It just goes to show you that if you really want to do something with someone you better do it now because you never really know what life will be like in five years or when the bowling alley that serves alcohol will decide to close down.
I thought it was so silly that throughout your whole post you kept apologizing for how long it was because at the end of the post I found myself wishing you'd written more. First of all I just want to say it kind of made me want to sob ( I didnt actually sob a few tears at best but really can you blame me the whole midnight thing was heartbreaking and you're right I'm not even a pet person but even I have a heart). I think I've told you this before that I'm a very empathetic person and am really good at making people feel better in all times other than when their pet dies because there really is nothing to say to make that better. That and breakups Im not good with breakups either the best I can usually come up with it "Oh wow you broke up thats crazy..like that really sucks" at which point I'm sure the person who just told me is going through a break-up wants to throw a shoe at me. But anyways...
Seriously sorry to hear about midnight and your mom and your grandpa and all these ridiculous obstacles you've been facing. Youre completely right that this isn't even like working hard its seriously perservering. It's almost like the universe wants to test you and is like how much do you REALLY want this. And I think you pretty much answered that question in your last post and made it clear that you want this a lot. Because you're right living at home and saving money is great and wonderful but its not really living life and its not really living life the way you want your life to be lived. And while your mom getting radiation and midnight dying and very real scary things, at the end of the day as long as everyone is ok and you arent shirking away from your responsibilities as a daughter( which you are not) then I think you have to come to terms with the fact that there are always going to be a million reasons for you not to go but the older you get the number of reasons is just going to grow.
One of my friends at work is moving to california in 2 weeks. She made this decision within 1 day and quit her job the next day. She's moving because her boyfriend got a job there and while it's crazy she was like I have no real ties here and if I don't do it now I'm never really going to want to do it so why not. And really I'll tell you the same thing I told her which is that nothing is permanent. If anything we are at the age where we have the luxury of time and choice and we need to use that.
Thank you for telling me I need to focus on myself. I needed to hear that. In retrospect(to yesterday) I think the reason I was saying that is because Ive gotten frustrated to the point where I want to give up and it seemed easiest to just be like well focusing on me isn't getting anywhere let me just focus on others instead. And really I do the same thing you do because Iv been wanting to move out for more than 6 months now and it just keeps getting harder (my dad is going to India for the summer to take care of my grandma and I don't want to leave my mom alone), but I think I really just need to take that plunge and move out (which I will once my dad gets back at the end of summer).
Vacation planning has been frustrating because right now I have the money and the time to travel but not good company. I feel this is the age where I should get to travel the world with my friends and learn to be comfortable in uncomfortable situations but I find that there isn't anyone who is on the same page as me. I've been tempted to book a trip somewhere on my own but too scared to think about it seriously.
As for job hunting in all honesty I would like it to align with me moving out so I would rather wait till the end of summer to find something but I think the fact that nothing seems to be moving or changing in my life is really bothering me so Im trying to aggressively job hunt to make that better. But since thats not going anywhere either its just making me all the more frustrated.
So I think this might actually be longer than your post was but I have to say reading what you wrote really inspired me. I know its not easy and things keep popping up but this is all part of the path to the life you want. It would be easy for you to stay at home take the comfortable and easy route but what would you really be left with then? And I have to say I am so beyond proud of you for being able to go through all of that and still do well on your phone interview, it takes some serious courage to feel like everything is falling apart but still fight to hold it together.
I've got a feeling Im going to be making the plan to come visit you (or maybe even move who knows you might just inspire me THAT much) pretty freaking soon.
Just remember, all great changes are preceeded by chaos. And please keep writing I feel like this is therapy.
It just goes to show you that if you really want to do something with someone you better do it now because you never really know what life will be like in five years or when the bowling alley that serves alcohol will decide to close down.
I thought it was so silly that throughout your whole post you kept apologizing for how long it was because at the end of the post I found myself wishing you'd written more. First of all I just want to say it kind of made me want to sob ( I didnt actually sob a few tears at best but really can you blame me the whole midnight thing was heartbreaking and you're right I'm not even a pet person but even I have a heart). I think I've told you this before that I'm a very empathetic person and am really good at making people feel better in all times other than when their pet dies because there really is nothing to say to make that better. That and breakups Im not good with breakups either the best I can usually come up with it "Oh wow you broke up thats crazy..like that really sucks" at which point I'm sure the person who just told me is going through a break-up wants to throw a shoe at me. But anyways...
Seriously sorry to hear about midnight and your mom and your grandpa and all these ridiculous obstacles you've been facing. Youre completely right that this isn't even like working hard its seriously perservering. It's almost like the universe wants to test you and is like how much do you REALLY want this. And I think you pretty much answered that question in your last post and made it clear that you want this a lot. Because you're right living at home and saving money is great and wonderful but its not really living life and its not really living life the way you want your life to be lived. And while your mom getting radiation and midnight dying and very real scary things, at the end of the day as long as everyone is ok and you arent shirking away from your responsibilities as a daughter( which you are not) then I think you have to come to terms with the fact that there are always going to be a million reasons for you not to go but the older you get the number of reasons is just going to grow.
One of my friends at work is moving to california in 2 weeks. She made this decision within 1 day and quit her job the next day. She's moving because her boyfriend got a job there and while it's crazy she was like I have no real ties here and if I don't do it now I'm never really going to want to do it so why not. And really I'll tell you the same thing I told her which is that nothing is permanent. If anything we are at the age where we have the luxury of time and choice and we need to use that.
Thank you for telling me I need to focus on myself. I needed to hear that. In retrospect(to yesterday) I think the reason I was saying that is because Ive gotten frustrated to the point where I want to give up and it seemed easiest to just be like well focusing on me isn't getting anywhere let me just focus on others instead. And really I do the same thing you do because Iv been wanting to move out for more than 6 months now and it just keeps getting harder (my dad is going to India for the summer to take care of my grandma and I don't want to leave my mom alone), but I think I really just need to take that plunge and move out (which I will once my dad gets back at the end of summer).
Vacation planning has been frustrating because right now I have the money and the time to travel but not good company. I feel this is the age where I should get to travel the world with my friends and learn to be comfortable in uncomfortable situations but I find that there isn't anyone who is on the same page as me. I've been tempted to book a trip somewhere on my own but too scared to think about it seriously.
As for job hunting in all honesty I would like it to align with me moving out so I would rather wait till the end of summer to find something but I think the fact that nothing seems to be moving or changing in my life is really bothering me so Im trying to aggressively job hunt to make that better. But since thats not going anywhere either its just making me all the more frustrated.
So I think this might actually be longer than your post was but I have to say reading what you wrote really inspired me. I know its not easy and things keep popping up but this is all part of the path to the life you want. It would be easy for you to stay at home take the comfortable and easy route but what would you really be left with then? And I have to say I am so beyond proud of you for being able to go through all of that and still do well on your phone interview, it takes some serious courage to feel like everything is falling apart but still fight to hold it together.
I've got a feeling Im going to be making the plan to come visit you (or maybe even move who knows you might just inspire me THAT much) pretty freaking soon.
Just remember, all great changes are preceeded by chaos. And please keep writing I feel like this is therapy.
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