I thought I'd change it up from my usual metaphorical overdramatic statuses by stating a simple fact, or sometime fact because flowers don't always smell good sometimes they don't have a distinct smell.
But anyways I apologize for being so awful with writing in here it was mainly because I wanted to do justice to your last entry but then I thought maybe you didn't write that to elicit a response but more just to tell me in which case my reply need not have waited nearly as long. But I guess its just one of those things that really sucks that you have to deal with and what probably sucks most about it is watching someone you love go through something painful and yet not be able to do anything about it, and i dont even have to say anything about losing someone you love in that case. But anyways I'm really sorry and I hope you know I'm always here for you whenever you need anything or you dont even have to need it really you can just want it because thats ok too.
I hope you enjoyed thanksgiving, I literally did nothing. I slept till 1 on wednesday, the rest of the days I spent some quality time with my couch and bed and I saw one friend, sally the one who doesnt exist remember? except no really I saw her and I went shopping for a little bit on saturday to buy jen a present which ended by being harder than i realized.
I'm very excited to see you perform on wednesday I feel like its been a very long time since Iv seen you perform. Also i just feel like its been forever since iv seen you in general. Oh we changed the set up of our apt since Jen and I felt like we needed a change and Tarah took luna home for thanksgiving so it was the perfect time for it. Its nice actually it was a much needed change i think. It felt cathartic in a weird way.
I feel like I have a lot to talk about but I want it to be a conversation so I guess it will have to wait until wednesday. I will leave you with a corny joke : What's a mermaid's undergarment?
An algebra.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Baby, There's a Shark in the Water
Yes, that's right. I saw your video. You two have got some moves... I don't know how much I have to say right now, but it was getting ridiculous how long it's been since the last post. I wanted to keep this consistent. Fail. Anywhoooo.
Biggest news in my life right now is that my grandfather's wife (stepgrandmother) is dying. It's sad. And I'll cry at the funeral, but I'm really bad about being upset until others around me are. My mom keeps telling me how hard it's been on Sabrina and I keep having only a sympathetic "mmm" to offer. My mom too isn't freaking out. She never really got over the fact that Lorraine isn't her mother, which like, obviously but I mean in the sense that even though Lorraine welcomed us into her family, treats us with love and kindness, has been far more a part of my life than my Nana who died when I was 3, my mother has never let herself get too close to Lorraine. I myself have never really understood grandparents at all. Two died before my parents were married. One when I was 3. And my grandfather, well, he's an interesting man. Affection was never his strong suit I guess. He bought us nice gifts, pinched our cheeks, saw us on holidays, but I never felt that "grandparent/granddaughter" bond that my friends all seemed to have with at least one side of the family.
I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to grow up with all four of them. I think my dad's dad was a hard man probably. I don't know what kind of grandfather he would have been. He died before my cousin was born too. My cousin is ten years older than I am. He got a few years with my dad's mother before my parents were married. I've seen the pictures, heard the stories. By all accounts she was lovely. Sweet, loving, warm and affectionate. My mother really liked her. My Nana, well I'm pretty sure there are no bad stories about her. My mother was extremely close with her mother. I often say she was abnormally close with my Nana. I remember my Nana's smell, the sunkist and jelly fish that I got when I was at her house. I remember the spray air freshener dispensers in her house and the fun light switch in the room that was once my mother's. I cherish the dolls that were bought by her, but I don't really remember her at all. I think that hurts my mom. My sisters has such strong memories of her. All I have are stories. How I begged her for my American girl Molly. How I hid in the plastic blue laundry hamper after she died. I think I might remember that one actually, but it's possible that I just remember the hamper.
Growing up, I often attached myself to my friends' grandparents. The closest I ever got I think was Poppop, Allison's grandfather (and Mommom also). When poppop died last year, it was the hardest thing. Never having grandparents meant never losing them, and I had never experienced that loss. For weeks, I cried at every mention and thought of him and I hated it and my mom thought I was depressed (which is kind of a go-to thought for her anyway). I love Lorraine. I will miss her and I will be sad when she dies. But I'm afraid what emotions a funeral will bring back from last year. I always cry at funerals. I don't consider myself a person who is particularly in touch with her emotions, but when people tell those heart-crushing stories and they start to tear and their voice cracks. When people talk about their loved ones... I lose it. I don't know what it is. I don't know if the emotions are misplaced or repressed or both and not knowing that is unsettling to me. I know I said I didn't have a lot to say. I think I was wrong. Because I could keep going, but I'd really just like to stop crying before someone walks into the room and asks what's wrong.
Sorry for the sad post...
Biggest news in my life right now is that my grandfather's wife (stepgrandmother) is dying. It's sad. And I'll cry at the funeral, but I'm really bad about being upset until others around me are. My mom keeps telling me how hard it's been on Sabrina and I keep having only a sympathetic "mmm" to offer. My mom too isn't freaking out. She never really got over the fact that Lorraine isn't her mother, which like, obviously but I mean in the sense that even though Lorraine welcomed us into her family, treats us with love and kindness, has been far more a part of my life than my Nana who died when I was 3, my mother has never let herself get too close to Lorraine. I myself have never really understood grandparents at all. Two died before my parents were married. One when I was 3. And my grandfather, well, he's an interesting man. Affection was never his strong suit I guess. He bought us nice gifts, pinched our cheeks, saw us on holidays, but I never felt that "grandparent/granddaughter" bond that my friends all seemed to have with at least one side of the family.
I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to grow up with all four of them. I think my dad's dad was a hard man probably. I don't know what kind of grandfather he would have been. He died before my cousin was born too. My cousin is ten years older than I am. He got a few years with my dad's mother before my parents were married. I've seen the pictures, heard the stories. By all accounts she was lovely. Sweet, loving, warm and affectionate. My mother really liked her. My Nana, well I'm pretty sure there are no bad stories about her. My mother was extremely close with her mother. I often say she was abnormally close with my Nana. I remember my Nana's smell, the sunkist and jelly fish that I got when I was at her house. I remember the spray air freshener dispensers in her house and the fun light switch in the room that was once my mother's. I cherish the dolls that were bought by her, but I don't really remember her at all. I think that hurts my mom. My sisters has such strong memories of her. All I have are stories. How I begged her for my American girl Molly. How I hid in the plastic blue laundry hamper after she died. I think I might remember that one actually, but it's possible that I just remember the hamper.
Growing up, I often attached myself to my friends' grandparents. The closest I ever got I think was Poppop, Allison's grandfather (and Mommom also). When poppop died last year, it was the hardest thing. Never having grandparents meant never losing them, and I had never experienced that loss. For weeks, I cried at every mention and thought of him and I hated it and my mom thought I was depressed (which is kind of a go-to thought for her anyway). I love Lorraine. I will miss her and I will be sad when she dies. But I'm afraid what emotions a funeral will bring back from last year. I always cry at funerals. I don't consider myself a person who is particularly in touch with her emotions, but when people tell those heart-crushing stories and they start to tear and their voice cracks. When people talk about their loved ones... I lose it. I don't know what it is. I don't know if the emotions are misplaced or repressed or both and not knowing that is unsettling to me. I know I said I didn't have a lot to say. I think I was wrong. Because I could keep going, but I'd really just like to stop crying before someone walks into the room and asks what's wrong.
Sorry for the sad post...
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
In the eye of the hurricane
So I thought now would be a good time to write in this since I had a crazy past couple of days and tonight is my one break before things are back to crazy againt tommorrow. Aah life. I was just thinking about how I have not had any time to figure out my classes and I register like on tuesday nbd. I should do that..
But going back to your dilemma, or going there since I never went there in the first place I think that the whole city internship thing is definitely a risk, its something unlike anything youve done and youre pretty much setting yourself up for one hell of a semester. But that being said it sounds like an amazing opportunity. I think you should go with your gut, and I know thats lame and not a straight answer but at the end of the day I think you do know whats right for you as you always have and youll make the right decision. And you know I think everything happens for a reason so even if it ends up being not so ideal then its a learning experience and something will come out of it regardless.
So its a lot easier for me to think about all this when Im not crazy about things in my own life lol. Which so far so good but the future looks bleak. I cant believe how fast everything is going by, its like I have no sense of time at all anymore. The way this semester has been zooming by is complete insanity. Its like every week starts off and before I know its its thursday night. Its probabaly because my days are so packed now its just running from one place to another. And also because I dont have a school night where I have no meeting. Its been interesting and Im scared to think what next semester will be like and hell what next year will be like because for some reason that seems like an even scaries prospect. But really though, we JUST started 2010...it cant be almost over already..it just cant! yea yea what else is new.
So I was thinking when we live in london we could maybe have a cat. Iv always been against pets but Luna is really not that bad and as long as I dont have to do anything Im ok with it lol. And can we live in a place that ends in shire, or maybe just a street that ends in shire? just a thought. Id also be ok with abbey. You think it over.
But going back to your dilemma, or going there since I never went there in the first place I think that the whole city internship thing is definitely a risk, its something unlike anything youve done and youre pretty much setting yourself up for one hell of a semester. But that being said it sounds like an amazing opportunity. I think you should go with your gut, and I know thats lame and not a straight answer but at the end of the day I think you do know whats right for you as you always have and youll make the right decision. And you know I think everything happens for a reason so even if it ends up being not so ideal then its a learning experience and something will come out of it regardless.
So its a lot easier for me to think about all this when Im not crazy about things in my own life lol. Which so far so good but the future looks bleak. I cant believe how fast everything is going by, its like I have no sense of time at all anymore. The way this semester has been zooming by is complete insanity. Its like every week starts off and before I know its its thursday night. Its probabaly because my days are so packed now its just running from one place to another. And also because I dont have a school night where I have no meeting. Its been interesting and Im scared to think what next semester will be like and hell what next year will be like because for some reason that seems like an even scaries prospect. But really though, we JUST started 2010...it cant be almost over already..it just cant! yea yea what else is new.
So I was thinking when we live in london we could maybe have a cat. Iv always been against pets but Luna is really not that bad and as long as I dont have to do anything Im ok with it lol. And can we live in a place that ends in shire, or maybe just a street that ends in shire? just a thought. Id also be ok with abbey. You think it over.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Classtime/Passtime
So I was thinking about our conversation last night. Not any of the important ones, just the one where you were trying to figure if you knew the RA I met. I was thinking about how sometimes you (people in general) assume you're going to know people because you have some peripheral mutual affiliation, but the truth is it's probably unlikely that you actually know them. As a New Yorker at Rutgers, this happens a lot to me when people know a Jew from Queens. I really just assume I'll know them even though I probably don't. And then when I don't, I don't say "Oh, that's weird, how could I not know who that is?" I say "Hm... nope, don't know her... I actually really only know about 4% of the Jews in Queens anyway." I just think that's strange.
What's also strange is how many professors preach their beliefs under the guise of teaching you to be a free thinker. I have two teachers like this at the moment, well kind of three, but the main two I'm thinking of are at opposite ends of the political spectrum (and the stupidity spectrum) anyway so I guess it balances out. What I hate is that my cognition teacher makes me so much angrier than the other professor. Because here I am, in class, writing this post and listen to him lecture about how there isn't a soul. He's entitled to his belief. According to him, I'm entitled to mine too... assuming of course that I know my opinion is wrong. Like "Think what you want, but just FYI what you think is, like, ridiculously incorrect."
I should be doing my film homework. I'm so tired though. I stayed up til 3something last night looking at classes. I think I might have figured out a way to do the internship but it means putting off math yet again (and therefore ending up taking it senior year). It means taking an online class. And it means taking an Honors seminar. I would have a 9:50 3hour on both Monday and Wednesday, a MW 1:10- 2:30 honors seminar (in the Brett Seminar room :/), and then a MW 4:30-5:50. That's 4 classes. The online class would be by appt. obviously.
Just for the sake of balance, here are the Pros
What's also strange is how many professors preach their beliefs under the guise of teaching you to be a free thinker. I have two teachers like this at the moment, well kind of three, but the main two I'm thinking of are at opposite ends of the political spectrum (and the stupidity spectrum) anyway so I guess it balances out. What I hate is that my cognition teacher makes me so much angrier than the other professor. Because here I am, in class, writing this post and listen to him lecture about how there isn't a soul. He's entitled to his belief. According to him, I'm entitled to mine too... assuming of course that I know my opinion is wrong. Like "Think what you want, but just FYI what you think is, like, ridiculously incorrect."
I should be doing my film homework. I'm so tired though. I stayed up til 3something last night looking at classes. I think I might have figured out a way to do the internship but it means putting off math yet again (and therefore ending up taking it senior year). It means taking an online class. And it means taking an Honors seminar. I would have a 9:50 3hour on both Monday and Wednesday, a MW 1:10- 2:30 honors seminar (in the Brett Seminar room :/), and then a MW 4:30-5:50. That's 4 classes. The online class would be by appt. obviously.
- Problem A. The 3 hour on Monday is Screenwriting... It's not the Writing for television section that I thought I would take which isn't the hugest deal except I can't find a revue for the Professor- never comforting... the only way around this is the 3hour on a friday- which doesn't seem advisable.
- Problem B. Two 3 hours- also not the biggest deal in the world, but I just would like to point out that 3 hours are loooooong periods of time.
- Problem C. An Online class- what if it's a lot of work and I don't have time?
- Problem D. A film class with a screening at 6:10 on Wed. Night- We might change Kol Halayla rehearsal to Wed. night so this would leave me with approximately enough time to watch movies and maybe eat dinner before KH- just a long day- 9:50am-11pm pretty much straight. Yikes.
- Problem E. The seminar seems interesting (ish) and I do still need Honors classes, but sometimes they're more work than their worth. Animal Studies- not necessarily what it sounds like...
Just for the sake of balance, here are the Pros
- No friday classes- I'm hoping this would kind of balance out the too busy thing
- Holy crap, I actually only have class two days a week
- I'll get to be in the city- I love to be in the city...
- Hopefully I'll be doing something I really enjoy with people I enjoy
- I'll be getting yet another experience from this industry- more experience gives me more of an idea of what I want or don't want to do with my life. It gives me more to think about, opens my mind up to more options for the future...
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
hairspray makes me feel fabulous
Ok so im back to being happy again, its mainly because my exam is over, this week is far far far better than last one was my hair is straight and i get to leave to see you in approximately 15 min! And if thats not exciting then I dont know what is. Oh and did I mention I can actually go to ballroom tonight and not feel guilty that im not studying for an exam the next day. Man, stupid school. Can i still drop out and come live in your closet because I would love that right about now.
Im so glad your birthday went well, and maybe youre just becoming older and wiser now. I always try to not expect too much out of people on my birthday because I dont want to be let down and I havent been let down that many times or anything but still, it always seemed like the mature thing to do was not to ask people to do things for you and just let them do what they wanted to but lately im starting to think the opposite that its better to just let people know what you want from them and if they can do it great and if they cant well that sucks but hopefully they can, but its a much better chance of it happening if they know in any case. But yea the anxiety level would def be less in turning 21 but I guess I will let you know in about 3 months . Oh man you can do all sorts of cool things now! Like go to those concerts. Yay.
So today in my ethical leadership class which is a bs class btw because we sit around and talk about our feelings and hold hands and sing kumbaya ok not really but something like that but we were talking about having key people in your life and how important it is to being a happy and healthy person and Id like to think Im ok at being a happy and healthy person and its def because of key people like you that i can be like that, and honestly times when im stressing out or going insane its hard to remember that. like you ever notice how its wayy easier to get perspective on things when youre happy to begin with. yea. but whatever its all good now, and i cant wait to see you and i wish id seen that birthday list before getting you your present but oh well youll see soon enough, and hey theres nondenominational winter holidays right around the corner. Remember doing secret santa last year? Its funny to think how far weve come in one year. We still got each other though. Im getting all sentimental because Jen's currently playing one of those songs, oh you know "those" songs. yea right you got it.
Anyways time to leave to go see you! Whee.
Im so glad your birthday went well, and maybe youre just becoming older and wiser now. I always try to not expect too much out of people on my birthday because I dont want to be let down and I havent been let down that many times or anything but still, it always seemed like the mature thing to do was not to ask people to do things for you and just let them do what they wanted to but lately im starting to think the opposite that its better to just let people know what you want from them and if they can do it great and if they cant well that sucks but hopefully they can, but its a much better chance of it happening if they know in any case. But yea the anxiety level would def be less in turning 21 but I guess I will let you know in about 3 months . Oh man you can do all sorts of cool things now! Like go to those concerts. Yay.
So today in my ethical leadership class which is a bs class btw because we sit around and talk about our feelings and hold hands and sing kumbaya ok not really but something like that but we were talking about having key people in your life and how important it is to being a happy and healthy person and Id like to think Im ok at being a happy and healthy person and its def because of key people like you that i can be like that, and honestly times when im stressing out or going insane its hard to remember that. like you ever notice how its wayy easier to get perspective on things when youre happy to begin with. yea. but whatever its all good now, and i cant wait to see you and i wish id seen that birthday list before getting you your present but oh well youll see soon enough, and hey theres nondenominational winter holidays right around the corner. Remember doing secret santa last year? Its funny to think how far weve come in one year. We still got each other though. Im getting all sentimental because Jen's currently playing one of those songs, oh you know "those" songs. yea right you got it.
Anyways time to leave to go see you! Whee.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
On Free Stuff and Birthdays
I'm finally having a light week and it feels wonderful. This is not to rub it in, since there is a full book I should be reading (for next tuesday) and eventually I'll have to get to it. But I've been enjoying the relaxing nature of an hour here and an hour there. I hope I get to see you tomorrow because this is sad face. That's right. I went there.
My birthday is now about 5 days past and I'm sad it's gone but it was a good one. Last year was 20 and I found it incredibly stressful. It's nice being able to reflect back and learn that it wasn't the getting older every year part that was giving me panic attacks. It was leaving a stage of my life, which has never been easy for me anyway. 21 was not as difficult. I know it's a big deal because of blah blah blah but I don't really drink and I don't really gamble and the greatest thing was being able to enter the bowling alley at my house after 8pm on saturday night (the have 21+ nights). I also can't wait to go to a 21+ concert. Because I have horrible luck with being able to go to concerts and this is just one more barrier broken down between Jenna and the next time Boyce Avenue is in NYC. But the reason I was happy about the lack of panic attacks for 21 was that I love my birthday. When I was freaking out last year, I was worried that this was it, that I couldn't enjoy my birthday anymore. I was afraid that my carefree birthday glory days were over. I stressed about who to spend it with, how to make everyone happy, and most of all how I could possibly make myself happy under the circumstances of getting older and being in a place in life where I felt short on people to whom I connected (/run on sentence). Looking back, I don't think there was anything that could've made it easier. I don't think it was one of those things where I could've been happier if... Honestly, I stress about things, it's what I do. And as stressful things go, I think in that case it was warranted.
But this year was nice. Maybe I've learned to love the people around me a little more. Maybe having the new spheres of life (house, journalism etc.) is good for me. Maybe it's just that I wasn't ending a decade. Maybe I was just more laid back about everything being "special" for my birthday. I don't know what it was but I sat back and enjoyed. I got an Entertainment Weekly subscription, an AMC gift card, and from my mom--- ADOBE INDESIGN!!! I hope I have time to install it tomorrow. I'm so excited to be playing around with it. I also got some cash and 21 scratch off lotto tickets that I haven't finished scratching. Also a little purple pillow that says "Crown Royal" (from Eric's company). Oh and a target gift card. I think that's probably all.
Point of the story is that birthdays are weird because they make you reflect and think about where you've been, where you are, and where you're going. For an anxiety-ridden college student, those are humongous things to think about. I don't- can't- blame myself for freaking out. I just need to take some deep breaths and eat me some chocolate. See you tomorrow!
<3 J
My birthday is now about 5 days past and I'm sad it's gone but it was a good one. Last year was 20 and I found it incredibly stressful. It's nice being able to reflect back and learn that it wasn't the getting older every year part that was giving me panic attacks. It was leaving a stage of my life, which has never been easy for me anyway. 21 was not as difficult. I know it's a big deal because of blah blah blah but I don't really drink and I don't really gamble and the greatest thing was being able to enter the bowling alley at my house after 8pm on saturday night (the have 21+ nights). I also can't wait to go to a 21+ concert. Because I have horrible luck with being able to go to concerts and this is just one more barrier broken down between Jenna and the next time Boyce Avenue is in NYC. But the reason I was happy about the lack of panic attacks for 21 was that I love my birthday. When I was freaking out last year, I was worried that this was it, that I couldn't enjoy my birthday anymore. I was afraid that my carefree birthday glory days were over. I stressed about who to spend it with, how to make everyone happy, and most of all how I could possibly make myself happy under the circumstances of getting older and being in a place in life where I felt short on people to whom I connected (/run on sentence). Looking back, I don't think there was anything that could've made it easier. I don't think it was one of those things where I could've been happier if... Honestly, I stress about things, it's what I do. And as stressful things go, I think in that case it was warranted.
But this year was nice. Maybe I've learned to love the people around me a little more. Maybe having the new spheres of life (house, journalism etc.) is good for me. Maybe it's just that I wasn't ending a decade. Maybe I was just more laid back about everything being "special" for my birthday. I don't know what it was but I sat back and enjoyed. I got an Entertainment Weekly subscription, an AMC gift card, and from my mom--- ADOBE INDESIGN!!! I hope I have time to install it tomorrow. I'm so excited to be playing around with it. I also got some cash and 21 scratch off lotto tickets that I haven't finished scratching. Also a little purple pillow that says "Crown Royal" (from Eric's company). Oh and a target gift card. I think that's probably all.
Point of the story is that birthdays are weird because they make you reflect and think about where you've been, where you are, and where you're going. For an anxiety-ridden college student, those are humongous things to think about. I don't- can't- blame myself for freaking out. I just need to take some deep breaths and eat me some chocolate. See you tomorrow!
<3 J
Thursday, October 14, 2010
In the midst of the bridge...
YAYY!!! Happy Jenna makes me happy too! But serious thats fantastic! And yea sorry for not being so great about posting but life is busy and blah blah blah but I will see you today and we can recreate some roomate birthday magic! Even if I can't make a rocket and attach it to your wall so it can keep falling down all year long. But Im so happy that we were roomates so I can know you when youre famous and point out articles you wrote to our kids when they're growing up and then we can save them and frame them for decorating our apartment in paris with the balcony. you know that one...right.
So this week has been extra stressful but it got a little better last night when despite my better judgement I decided to go to ballroom dancing even though I had an exam at 8:40 this morning but hey you only live once right. So we learned the foxtrot which I really like because I picked it up real easy and its actually easier than the waltz cuz theres less turning and more just like gliding and gliding is fun. But anyways after the lesson theres like a mini social thing where they just play music and let you practice what you learned and not only did I make a new friend but also I was dancing with one of the guys from the team and he told me I should think about trying out for the team next semester!!! So obviously that made my night and week and life. Especially since yesterday I was thinking Iv been having such a crappy time with classes and rha had been so stressful this week that I just needed some good news or a pick me up.
But I like happy us. Happy us is good. Why arent we happy more often. oh thats right classes and other crap.
Meanwhile the title of this entry is because I just finished one of my exams and I have another major one on monday which I have to start studying for ack. Remember when I used to get good grades and be smart? heh.
Back to positives though! I don't know what your plans are tonight but hopefully we can hang out a little bit after dinner if not thats fine too, oh and Ill bring my(aka jen's old) camera (its just a regular digital not a fancy one but still good) and we can take pictures and pretend to be a couple again. Thats always fun isnt it.
When I was younger I used to pretend my life was a book and different stages in life would be an ending, if that was the case we would be in 6th book in the series by now. More people watch movies than read books though.*shrug*--> thats me typing out an action. laugh out loud.
So this week has been extra stressful but it got a little better last night when despite my better judgement I decided to go to ballroom dancing even though I had an exam at 8:40 this morning but hey you only live once right. So we learned the foxtrot which I really like because I picked it up real easy and its actually easier than the waltz cuz theres less turning and more just like gliding and gliding is fun. But anyways after the lesson theres like a mini social thing where they just play music and let you practice what you learned and not only did I make a new friend but also I was dancing with one of the guys from the team and he told me I should think about trying out for the team next semester!!! So obviously that made my night and week and life. Especially since yesterday I was thinking Iv been having such a crappy time with classes and rha had been so stressful this week that I just needed some good news or a pick me up.
But I like happy us. Happy us is good. Why arent we happy more often. oh thats right classes and other crap.
Meanwhile the title of this entry is because I just finished one of my exams and I have another major one on monday which I have to start studying for ack. Remember when I used to get good grades and be smart? heh.
Back to positives though! I don't know what your plans are tonight but hopefully we can hang out a little bit after dinner if not thats fine too, oh and Ill bring my(aka jen's old) camera (its just a regular digital not a fancy one but still good) and we can take pictures and pretend to be a couple again. Thats always fun isnt it.
When I was younger I used to pretend my life was a book and different stages in life would be an ending, if that was the case we would be in 6th book in the series by now. More people watch movies than read books though.*shrug*--> thats me typing out an action. laugh out loud.
Rising to the Occasion
I realized that I don't have to wait for you to post again. We didn't really make any kind of rule against double posting. Not sure why we would. The number one rule of Bowl is there are no rules. Stupid cliche. I'm writing because I said I was going to go to bed. Only I'm not tired. I got my article back- first draft on the overcrowding article- and I got a B+ which is fantastic. He said "But I thought you had this kind of talent, Jenna, and it’s coming out in a big display" in his comments to me. I'm sorry. I don't mean to obnoxiously brag, but I'm kinda glowing here.
The semester started out with me fearing this class... knowing- just knowing- I would hate it. I began both of my assignments with two hours of "I'm terrible at this! I hate this style! I hate this format! I can't do it! This is not my strong suit!" I am just super proud of myself for challenging myself and succeeding. It's not like me to do something like that. Obviously, I'm getting ahead of myself. There's still most of the semester left and I have to keep it up, but I just wanted to tell you about the happiness in my life with this grade. Because sometimes the things you think you want aren't the things that you'll end up wanting. And sometimes htings that are hard end up being rewarding. And all that cheesy stuff.
In other news, I can't believe this whole Chile mine thing. It's just. So. Incredible.
Enjoy this happy Jenna. Who knows how often she visits...
The semester started out with me fearing this class... knowing- just knowing- I would hate it. I began both of my assignments with two hours of "I'm terrible at this! I hate this style! I hate this format! I can't do it! This is not my strong suit!" I am just super proud of myself for challenging myself and succeeding. It's not like me to do something like that. Obviously, I'm getting ahead of myself. There's still most of the semester left and I have to keep it up, but I just wanted to tell you about the happiness in my life with this grade. Because sometimes the things you think you want aren't the things that you'll end up wanting. And sometimes htings that are hard end up being rewarding. And all that cheesy stuff.
In other news, I can't believe this whole Chile mine thing. It's just. So. Incredible.
Enjoy this happy Jenna. Who knows how often she visits...
Sunday, October 10, 2010
"In-A-Movie" Romanticism
It's good that you reminded me to do this because, despite my exhaustion, I'm actually in the perfect mood.
Here's what's on my mind (one of the things):
Things are painted in a much better way in the movies. Picture this- A group of friends. They are having a great time. The music is some kind of alternative rock blasting but it is still background. There are low shots of them. We see bright lights, sequined clothes, somewhat attractive young boys and girls screaming because it feels good to be young and let yourself go for a night and not have to worry about responsibilities. You smile as you watch it and you feel a little jealous even because they are having such a great time.
Now imagine... You are in your room. Doing nothing special, not really that focused on anything. Chilling. Watching TV. Maybe you've just gotten into bed. And these dumbass obnoxious college students are freaking screaming outside and laughing their heads off like someone told the joke of the century or something. Your neighbors seem to have some kind of speaker system rigged outdoors. The walls of your bedroom are unbelievably thin. Even though you're on the second floor, it feels like they're in your bedroom.
Seriously, I do often picture my life as some kind of production. Truth is that in really life, that is not something I admire. Maybe that's not true. It takes a certain kind talent to be able to completely disregard the needs or wants of the world around you. Actually they aren't that loud to night but I was just thinking about how movies can sometimes be misleading that way.
Here's what's on my mind (one of the things):
Things are painted in a much better way in the movies. Picture this- A group of friends. They are having a great time. The music is some kind of alternative rock blasting but it is still background. There are low shots of them. We see bright lights, sequined clothes, somewhat attractive young boys and girls screaming because it feels good to be young and let yourself go for a night and not have to worry about responsibilities. You smile as you watch it and you feel a little jealous even because they are having such a great time.
Now imagine... You are in your room. Doing nothing special, not really that focused on anything. Chilling. Watching TV. Maybe you've just gotten into bed. And these dumbass obnoxious college students are freaking screaming outside and laughing their heads off like someone told the joke of the century or something. Your neighbors seem to have some kind of speaker system rigged outdoors. The walls of your bedroom are unbelievably thin. Even though you're on the second floor, it feels like they're in your bedroom.
Seriously, I do often picture my life as some kind of production. Truth is that in really life, that is not something I admire. Maybe that's not true. It takes a certain kind talent to be able to completely disregard the needs or wants of the world around you. Actually they aren't that loud to night but I was just thinking about how movies can sometimes be misleading that way.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
As the waves come crashing down
Im glad your solo went well,I would not have wanted it to go any other way and I knew you would do fabulously anyways. And yes how I wish we were two feet away right now. And I love all your creeper comments that sometimes make me think you are.
The title of this post is because of how iv been drowning in my whole life lately by the way and all these water analogies might be because of the rain. Anyways Iv just been really stressed and my dad always says that too about the whole having more work to do making you not want to do it all the more.
The 7 key on my keyboard is broken. It took me lik 8-1 minutes just to type out that 8-1.
Meanwhile I cant wait till I get a moment to breathe and catch up with you and Chuck and Iv always giggled a little bit in my mind when people use the word delicious for people. like teehee they just used delicious to describe something thats not food omg! But I just carry on like its the most normal thing in the world and am all like yes delicious right. So I dont know why but writing this blog post is putting me in a significantly better mood than i was.
Iv realized that my eh mood this week is probably because its err Aunt Rose's time to visit..i shouldnt put this stuff up on the internet but goshdarnit its been too long since Iv talked to you and I dont care. But yea its annoying because I keep walking around like Im depressed when its just a mood I guess. But anyways Im home right now with my gradma who might be leaving on friday for India because the reason my dad went on a business trip was for an interview and if he gets the job he will have to travel which means by grandma cant be at home all by herself and she will have to leave and that makes me really sad but at the same time its not like I can do somehting about it I barely have the time to even spend with her which makes me doubly sad. So thats my vent. I miss having you around to vent to.
Have I mentioned how I dont like any of my classes? Its like I dont even go to college for the education anymore. Whatever as long as I can stay sane Im all good. Im a little bit insane right now.
I figured out you can do a cha-cha to the theme song of Coupling. Maybe Ill do it at my wedding..I mean Our Wedding.
So anyways I wont get to see you for forever now and that makes me so sad. Come back into my life please? Lets just go shack up somewhere.Sound good? K good. And the shack will have a balcony and be in Paris.Just so you know.
The title of this post is because of how iv been drowning in my whole life lately by the way and all these water analogies might be because of the rain. Anyways Iv just been really stressed and my dad always says that too about the whole having more work to do making you not want to do it all the more.
The 7 key on my keyboard is broken. It took me lik 8-1 minutes just to type out that 8-1.
Meanwhile I cant wait till I get a moment to breathe and catch up with you and Chuck and Iv always giggled a little bit in my mind when people use the word delicious for people. like teehee they just used delicious to describe something thats not food omg! But I just carry on like its the most normal thing in the world and am all like yes delicious right. So I dont know why but writing this blog post is putting me in a significantly better mood than i was.
Iv realized that my eh mood this week is probably because its err Aunt Rose's time to visit..i shouldnt put this stuff up on the internet but goshdarnit its been too long since Iv talked to you and I dont care. But yea its annoying because I keep walking around like Im depressed when its just a mood I guess. But anyways Im home right now with my gradma who might be leaving on friday for India because the reason my dad went on a business trip was for an interview and if he gets the job he will have to travel which means by grandma cant be at home all by herself and she will have to leave and that makes me really sad but at the same time its not like I can do somehting about it I barely have the time to even spend with her which makes me doubly sad. So thats my vent. I miss having you around to vent to.
Have I mentioned how I dont like any of my classes? Its like I dont even go to college for the education anymore. Whatever as long as I can stay sane Im all good. Im a little bit insane right now.
I figured out you can do a cha-cha to the theme song of Coupling. Maybe Ill do it at my wedding..I mean Our Wedding.
So anyways I wont get to see you for forever now and that makes me so sad. Come back into my life please? Lets just go shack up somewhere.Sound good? K good. And the shack will have a balcony and be in Paris.Just so you know.
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